The Pain Love Cause.....

I have had many women come and go in my life. The bad and the good...all of them taught me a lesson in their own special way. Like any BOY going into a man I abused that friendship between man and woman...and I often thought can men and friend even be friends without sex crossing their minds...so I stayed away from women so I could focus on money and goals in life...only calling them for sexual reasons, and showing LOVE ONLY in my art and tattoos...I kept my feelings bottled up..so I could stay hard and never be hurt by any human...but love was always in my heart so I poured it ALL in my work hurting women along the way who tried to get close to me..never opening my heart up to express those feelings of passion...the older I got the more I was willing to share myself with others...I met my wife at this point of my life..and she was just as hard and cold as I was...she wasnt very expressive of her feelings for me, so I didn't express my feelings to her...I just knew she was different from what I was use to having...she wasn't into art, comic books, or anything I was into, but she was very loyal to me and had my back when all the others were tired of my shit...So I put all my focus on her hoping she would open you to me..so I could open up to her...I wanted to be loved by her but I couldn't love her the way I wanted to love her because she didn't express her love the way I was use to from the other women I had in my life before her...including my mother...no matter how hard I tried to me...I wanted HER love...the type of love I was use to..but I didn't want to change who she was or how she showed her love...She taught me opposites attract and mates don't have to see eye to eye to be together...but men are selfish, one of the flaws of the human male....we want everything to go our way or no way...which will drive women away...some women are "pleasers" by nature and when they please a man they are happy...but there are also women who want to be pleased by the man and pampered...which one is for me? I know this is random, and I guess its putting my personal life on front street...but expression and letting my thoughts flow free, helps me feel good (or feel better when I have fucked up)....I don't like holding my feelings in anymore..I'm 34 years old and I'm not a boy anymore...I made mistakes like ALL humans do..and I will cont' to make more mistakes in life...but I'm not afraid to face all the things that come with those mistakes..I'm not afraid of what other people say...I'm not afraid to FLY and FALL...I just wish, my wife would forgive me for my selfishness and I hope any women I have hurt will forgive me for crossing paths with me when I was GROWING into a man...I, Miya Bailey am a MAN first...and I have flaws like anyone else...all I know is love hurts..and I never meant to cause pain to ANYONE...everyone woman I have crossed paths with know my focus and my goals...some will fall to the waste side some will ride with me until I fall off the planet...I just know what I want... I will never be understood until after I'm gone...Artist never shine until after death...my focus is to shine while I'm alive to enjoy it...bear with me..and I PROMISE the world will be yours...but if you don't want the world..and you just want ME...then more pain will be caused...I can't change my focus..I'm programmed to make SURE my children and future grandchildren can live off my name forever...I might don't be the best friend, or the best husband and I will be a fuck up, but my LOVE is pure...and my love also HURTS...if you are afraid of PAIN...then you have to leave me alone....because I want the WORLD for everyone around me...thats who I am...and thats what fuel me...any mistake I have made I can live with the "JUSTICE" which is the pain caused by loving HARD...